Good Relationship Advice from a Funny Man

Steve Harvey was on Oprah last week talking about his best selling book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. Steve Harvey is a comedian and I expected a segment of goofy stuff and nothing else. As it turned out he had some very thought provoking advice for women. Although primarily directed at single women like me, attached women should pay attention too. Just because you're hooked up, you don't get to stop working at it!

Steve Harvey says to pay close attention to how your man introduces you. If you’ve been dating for six months and your man is introducing you as his “friend” or just by name, as in, “This is Mary”, with no title, you are not going anywhere. Harvey says that men are territorial and they will introduce you as their girlfriend, fiancé, sweetheart or whatever, if they think of you that way. They want to let everyone within the sound of their voice know that they are proud to be with you and that they have plans for you.

Harvey wants us to know that every man has a plan. He says a man wants something from you and, when he meets you, he is going to be determining how much it will cost him to get it. By cost Harvey means how much time he will have to put in, what might you want from him, what your standards are, what your requirements are, etc. Men will rise to the cost if they want you enough. The problem, he says, is that women keep lowering the bar.

Men need three things, says Harvey; support, loyalty and sex, which he refers to as “the cookie”. Men need your support in their ventures; your loyalty – “we need to know you are there for us no matter what”, and of course, sex. We knew that part, didn’t we? You know what? We need it too.

Harvey says men should be on probation for the first ninety days and you shouldn’t sleep with them before their probationary period is over. He says women posess the greatest benefit of all and men shouldn’t get that benefit until they prove themselves worthy. He says we cannot run off a man who wants us, so why are we passing out the benefit before we know if the guy is worth it?

Every single man has a plan for a relationship. Whether it be a commited relationship or just hanging out until something better comes along. He told a great story about the guy his 26-year old daughter had been dating. He and his father-in-law asked the guy what his plans were. He hemmed and hawed and finally said, “Well, you know, we’re just kicking it.” Steve Harvey said he brought his daughter in to see if that’s what her plans were. They broke up the next day. Sometimes our expectations are very different from theirs.

He made a funny fishing analogy saying that some men are sports fishermen - into catching and throwing back. Other men are fishing to eat - into catching and keeping. He says we determine which kind of fish we’re going to be. He advises us to set our standards and keep them up so when a guy hooks us he knows what is required of him and that we mean business. He knows that “if you bring me in the boat, we’re going home. You aren’t unhooking me and throwing me back.”

We can’t hold your hand, Harvey says, we can’t kiss you, we can’t go to bed with you, unless you let us. So why, he wants to know, do you relinquish that power just because you want a guy to accept you? That’s stupid. Harvey says keep your standards up and the guy will know what it takes to keep you. If he doesn’t meet your standards, he’s gone.

Another valuable piece of relationship advice from Harvey - don’t ever say, “We need to talk”. Just sit down and start talking. If you preface it with “We need to talk”, your man is already putting up his defenses before you even get started!

Don’t accept what you don’t want! Remember, you are allowing your bad relationship to exist.