Finding Friends

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Study after study has shown the importance of close friendships in so many aspects of our lives. A new study from Indiana University involving identical twins found that the siblings with tight-knit social circles were healthier than their counterparts who didn't feel as connected to their communities, despite their very similar DNA and upbringing. Unfortunately, the older we get the more difficult it can be to make new friends. Once we get out of school we have fewer opportunities to meet new people and the people we meet tend to be busier with their own lives and less likely to be interested in forming new attachments.

Whether you have just moved to a new town, recently divorced and need to find some friends who are not affiliated with your ex, or realize that you have outgrown the attachments of your youth, there are several strategies you can employ to assist you in finding new friends. Primarily you must get out there. You can not make new friends if you do not alter or expand upon your daily routines.

1. Check your local paper and look for activities which are of interest to you.

Most papers include an activities calendar section. Investigate yours regularly and see what organizations are meeting locally that interest you. Do you like to work in your yard? Perhaps the local garden club would be a good fit. Do you enjoy poetry? Your local bookstore may sponsor poetry readings. Do you knit? How about a fiber arts club? Community theaters are always looking for people to fill roles both onstage and off. If you go and decide it’s not for you, try something else.

2. Volunteer your time helping local charities.

Charity organizations everywhere are primarily staffed by volunteers. Find a charity or two in whose mission you believe and volunteer! Even small towns have animal shelters that need people to walk the dogs and clean the cages. Local food banks need people to sort donations and help disburse them. Battered women shelters, CASA and Big Brothers Big Sisters are active everywhere and give you the immediate reward of helping others. What about your local library? If you love the library, that may be a good fit. Many libraries, big and small, utilize volunteers to man the circulation desk, shelve books and staff their used bookstores.

3. Get active in your church.

If you attend church, investigate the various outreach and social activities that your church sponsors. A lot of churches host weekly dinners or other fellowship related events. If you are not affiliated with a church and think you might like to be, start going to different churches every week until you find one that fits your beliefs. New people are common at church services so no one will think twice when you slip in. Once you find a church you like, become involved in the church community.

4. Take a class

If you live in a town with a four year university or a community college, look through their course catalog and sign up for a class in a topic of interest to you. Most colleges have a greatly reduced fee for auditing a class, as opposed to being a regular enrolled student. This fee may be as low as $50. Generally you will need to get the instructor's approval before auditing a class but frequently this can be accomplished with a simple e-mail to the instructor. In many communities the local public school district offers adult ed courses, which can also be inexpensive and informative. Check your local paper for classes offered throughout your community.

The main thing to remember is to choose activities in which you have an interest. You are not going to score a new best friend the first time you venture out. Go with the intention of having a good time doing something you will enjoy whether or not you make a friend. Every other person there will also have an interest in that activity and that commonality is a start. Don’t burn yourself out but the more activities in which you participate, the more people you will meet and the more chance you will have of connecting with someone.

Be patient, be open, be friendly, be helpful, be positive, upbeat and energetic. These are the qualities that will attract others to you. The last thing anyone wants in a new friend is someone who is desperate, unhappy, depressed and lonely. Would you take on a new friend who exuded those personality traits? Neither would anyone else! Once you make a connection with someone, start slow. Invite them to stop for a coffee after the activity or, if you live nearby, see if they would like to share a ride. Take it easy and don't push.

As an added bonus, if you are single and looking, these suggestions are also a great way to find a mate. Relationships form the same way, whether you are looking for a new friend or a life partner. Get out there, have fun and be open to the possibility of forming new relationships. If you keep at it, it will happen!