What I wish I had taught my son about money

This article is part of a MoneyBlogNetwork Group Writing Project

A week or so ago I read an article at WiseBread called 6 Random Things I Have Taught My Kids About Money by Julie Rains. Somehow, I have managed to raise a very loving, sensitive, talented, compassionate young man who means the world to me. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I haven’t done a very good job teaching him about money. I decided to compile a list of the things I wish I had taught my son about money.

1. I wish I had made my son get a job

Let me start by saying that my son has been involved in theatre since he was very young. I think he was about 5 when he started. What that means, in regard to this topic is that, to his credit, it’s hard to work when you are constantly in rehearsal. I made him a deal very early on that I would not give him any money; he would have to earn that himself. He did have a few entrepreneurial stints over the years, as a schoolyard lawyer in junior high (!) and making custom CD’s before the whole music downloading thing blew up. He once spent two weeks clearing brush, which taught him the value of getting an education. He also extra’d in several movies over the years. For the most part, though, he didn’t work. I wish I had made my son get a regular job, even if it was only a few hours a week, because it would have taught him the ethic of working.

My son is now a senior in college and I finally insisted. I asked him, at 22 with absolutely no work experience, who did he think would hire him when he graduated and moved to L.A. to become a famous film director? It’s going to take Spielberg a little while to find him and, in the meantime, he will be competing for entry-level jobs with other 23 year olds who have been working since they were 15 or 16. He is finally working in his first regular job. He is a delivery boy for Pizza Hut. What do you know? He likes working! He has learned about the anxiety of the first day on a new job and how that is survivable; he has learned about withholdings from his paycheck and most of all, he has learned that he has to go work in order to support his lifestyle and because the other people who work there are counting on him. He is my only child so I don’t get a do-over but for these and lots of other reasons, I wish I had made my son get a job as soon as he was old enough to work.

2. I wish I had insisted that my son save some of his money

When my son was small and doing occasional movie extra work I did make him save some of his money but I never set up a hard and fast rule about saving a certain percentage of any earnings he had. Now he does not have that habit and will have to figure it out on his own.

3. I wish I had taught my son to budget

Right along with not saving his money, my son doesn’t know about budgeting. He is in his first house this year, with some roommates. I am only paying half his rent and nothing else. Unlike the apartment he had last year, he is also responsible for utility bills. Last year he was forced to learn a little about budgeting when he had to start buying his own groceries. I know these are real-life lessons that we all learn at some point but I wish I had better prepared him. On the brighter side, at least he is learning them now before he really gets out on his own!

4. I wish I had insisted my son give a portion of his money to charity

I love the idea of giving a small child a dollar and then making him give a dime of it to someone who needs it more. I love the idea of taking your children to volunteer at the food bank. I never did any of that and I wish I had.

5. I wish I had taught my son to manage his money

When my son was first going off to college I realized that, never having had a checking account, he probably didn’t really know how to use one. I was right! Before he left I sat him down and made him balance my checkbook. That was an experience for him. Among other things, he learned mom isn’t actually made of money! It was a good lesson for him but I wish I had started sooner. He dutifully opened a checking account when he first went off to college. He no longer has one. I don’t know why but I suspect he got into some trouble with it and his debit card. Another lesson learned!

6. I wish I had talked with him about the possible dangers of credit cards

I don’t know if my son has a credit card. I know he is inundated with offers. If he does, his ability to manage it will not have come from anything I ever taught him because I don’t believe we ever talked about it.

There are lots of things I wish I had taught my son but these are the things I’ve been thinking about lately. I was raised to believe that you didn’t talk about money. I think that is probably the reason I never talked about money with him. I don’t actually recall my parents ever teaching me any of the things on this list either and I guess I turned out all right. I don’t know if the financial bumps in my life would have been smoothed out somewhat if my parents had discussed money management with me but I think I would have had a better understanding, earlier, about how it all works. I wish I had shared what I have learned since then with my son.

What about you? Are you actively involving your children in day-to-day financial dealings? Or, like me, did you let that take care of itself? How have your grown children fared?