Make Amends

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. -Desmond Tutu





I grew up in a family with five kids. To say we didn’t always get along would be an understatement. Alliances formed and re-formed like the best television reality show, although we never got to vote anyone off! We are all very close in age with only about six years between the oldest and the youngest. I left home to go to college when I was sixteen and, other than one short year after I graduated, have, unfortunately, lived far away from my family ever since. Regardless of the various ups and downs of my familial relationships, I have never, for one moment, doubted the love we share.

Families are so handy. They have to love you, don’t they? I have always known that I would not end up on the street, regardless of the state of my finances, because someone in my family would take me in. In fact, any member of my family would take me in, I’m family! I’ve always known this to be a basic truth of families. When the going gets tough, you turn to your family and they help you out. As I got older and was exposed to lots of different people I was surprised to discover that all families don’t work this way. There are families out there that hate each other, don’t support each other and wouldn’t take in another family member, regardless of the circumstances. There are families that take each other to court and families that seem to spend all their time bad-mouthing each other. These are ordinary families, not just the ones on Dr. Phil.

That was an eye-opening revelation for me. It has made me value my family even more. Now that we are all grown, the oldest will be 50 this year, we are all good friends who enjoy each other’s company. I don’t know exactly what my parents did to raise five fairly well-adjusted adults who love each other, but they did a darn good job. Hopefully those of us who have them are raising well-adjusted children in our turn. It sure looks that way to me.

If you are on the outs with your family, make amends today. To paraphrase Gandhi, be the change you want to see. Put down your resentments and pick up the phone or, if that is too fraught with peril, pick up a pen. Write a note, hold out your hand and reconnect.